Live in the Dream

This week the Scrappit DT were required to come up with a theme on 'Regrets'. Umm now what to be regretful about. Fortunately I suppose I don't have many if any regrets. Until, I remembered having grown up without my numerous relatives including my Maternal Grandparents. My memory of them only comes from two visits with them, one when they came to Australia to visit back in the 70's and the other when Mum, Dad and I went to surprise them in England on their 50th Wedding Anniversary.

Nan would give you these warm and extremely bosom squeezing hugs. Grandad would recite miles upon miles of his journaling over the years. He even came to Australia to give me away on my Wedding Day as my own father had passed away.

I do envy anyone who is exposed to extended family through Cousins, Aunts and Uncles and more importantly Grandparents. No one loves you quite like a Grandparent.

I was so privileged to be asked to blog for RW http://www.rememberwhen.com.au/ over the last couple of weeks. One of the blogs was particularly close to home with the passing of my FIL last August. I wanted to let everyone know how writing some inner thoughts and feelings down as soon as possible actually helped me deal with our loss. In reflection of the recent devisation with the Victorian bushfires and the floods in North Queensland, it only serves a reminder that a little piece of journaling can relieve some of the inner stress. Here's what I wrote -

I am, along with millions of other individuals, astounded about the recent tragedies in Northern Queensland and Victoria over the last couple of weeks. This is certainly a country of extreme challenges and changes in our climate but I don’t think anyone could imagine a flood and fire devastation that could be affecting two of our states at the same time. With the loss of life and destruction of property my heart is overwhelmed with sorry for all families concerned.

In late 2008 I was distressed to lose my father in law after a recent illness. As tragic as this was, within one day I had journalled my feelings and completed a mini album to express my sorrow of losing someone so dear to my heart. Without my passion for scrapbooking I wouldn’t have been able to record those memories he shared with me and my family. I know my DH and DS#1 were brought to tears as they read my journal. With this, I’d like to share how something as simple as documenting your emotions during a time of grief can be somewhat liberating in the end.

So this is what I wrote:
(So what do I see when I look at these photos of you – how can I begin to describe the sorrow to the family that you are no longer with us. An older generation of a family man with certain beliefs but not adverse to dedicate his thoughts to his wife and three boys. You may not have been there to do general housework or read your children bed time stories but you know what, that isn’t everything. By your sheer presence you held this family in the highest regard. Pat may have done all those menial jobs that ‘that generation’ did, but you were always there.
A working career as a doctor and provider, someone who loved to play golf and was known as the No #1 Senior Member of Brisbane Golf Club and even when your health deteriorated you continued to play but needed a Motorised Golf Buggy to assist with the 18 holes.
Someone who delayed his retirement until you reached the tender age of 70 before you began to enjoy your just rewards. Very strange for Pat to have you home so much but I know it didn’t take long for her to adjust to your presence. Daily walks around Highgate Hill until this became too difficult to manage.

I can’t believe that the first photo in this album was taken as late as Christmas Day 2007. How, in such a short time your declining health from Emphysema drained the life from your weakening body. Very difficult for you to come to terms with especially when the mind is still strong but the body couldn’t manage. Your dependence on Pat was worsening her health but there was nobody to deter her from her dedication to you. To see you in hospital only days before you passed away will remain with me always.

With Peter and Christopher seeing you only two days before you left us with another of many humorous comments you were still making…..as your mind was wondering you mentioned that ‘the nurses take so long to come sometimes after I call them that when they finally arrive I can’t remember what I called them for’. You never lost your sense of humour right to the end.
I’ve completed this album within one day of your passing in an effort to help me come to terms with your death. Although my own father passed away nearly 30years ago I still compare any death to his. Perhaps because I lost him so early in life and you became my new father figure your death has hit me harder still. I thank you for the moments you have shared with me and my children. You will always be in my heart and thoughts. May you play all those wonderful golf courses in heaven and drop a ‘hole in one’ for me.
Tears will be shed from time to time and lots of laughter with those memories you have left us with. Peace be with you Roley and may you find comfort and tranquillity in your spiritual place.
You shared your life with all of us from 18th March 1922 to 29th August 2008 – passing at the tender age of 86.)

The layout below demonstrates how a simple case of documenting your emotions and grief for a loved one can, at times, bring that little bit of peace to a distressing time.